the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
