I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Shame - the story of my life.
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