More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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