Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
