Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
