I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
