I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
