Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
