I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
