u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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