I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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