OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
