I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
