Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
