So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
