WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
