i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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