Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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