I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
