She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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