remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
