Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
