Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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