the condom got lost in my hair
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
