If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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