can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
