Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
