doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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