hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
