Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
