After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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