She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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