what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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