She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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