You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
