I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
