every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
