Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
