everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You were trust falling into bushes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
