Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
