I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
