She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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