Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
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apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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