the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
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How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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