If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
try to milk me bitch
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize