Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
