loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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