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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
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I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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