Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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