4 words: hood of his car
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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