how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize