You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
