when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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