I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
