I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
