Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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