Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector