Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.