hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
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Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out