I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball