I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves