and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
