So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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