i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She is in my trunk
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
