Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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