he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
