We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
