If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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