why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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