I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize