it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
