I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
