i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
