So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Someone signed my nipple.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
