okay pat passed out under dana's car
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
