Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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