The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
