it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
