Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
