never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
