apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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