Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
