Sry I called you an 8
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think pants incapable of making pants work
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
