Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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