All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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