ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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