Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it glows. i had to have it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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