I will die if light touches me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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