Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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