Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
