so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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