Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hippo gnu deer
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
