her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
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Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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