i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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