went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
