Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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