I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
