And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
