I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
